With you, I couldn’t be tired and sad
For you gave me love, you’re the best that I had.
Look into my eyes and you can tell that it’s true.
My heart finally says.. it might be you.
Oftentimes I choose to be silent
I don’t want my time to be spent
I don’t want to waste every moment
For the better, it’s really meant.
I want to stand on my own
I prefer to be alone
I want to grow up and be mature
To be strong enough to face the future
I’ve learned from my mistakes
Now I have to move and be awake
I don’t care what they might feel
I want to be better and this is real.
The day is hot; the sky is blue.
You gave me a piece of note saying “I love you”.
You take me to this beautiful special place
And as I looked around, I was totally amazed.
“The flowers are dancing with the breeze of air
While the weather is good and the day is still fair.
Children’s laughter echoed the field
A joyous beginning, loneliness was killed.
The snow on pathways are now gone,
It’s a time to cherish, let’s unwind and have fun.”
As the gentle wind kiss my cheeks,
You hold my hand, my emotions got mixed.
I can’t explain what I’ve felt
This heart of mine had melt.
“This season, our love was made.
I hope not to end this”, my thought as we laid.
Wherever you go, I’ll follow. Just take the lead.
This is our beginning, springtime indeed.
Every night I dream of it
That very moment, still I’d greet
The most precious time in my whole life,
Was when I danced with him under the moonlight.e
How I love to make it happen again.
To dance again, to dance with Ken.
I’m still wishing for him to come
Like the way he did in the prom.
With him, I felt that I was perfect.
I felt no harm, no tragic.
I miss his smile, his voice, his embrace.
It was enchanted as we danced into that special place.
As I keep on telling this story,
My heart and my soul go crazy.
It may be my last time seeing Ken,
But who knows, our paths might cross again.
I saw him three days ago. I was already in a Lapuz jeepney while he was standing patiently with other people, waiting for another to arrive. He saw me, slightly shocked, but never hesitated to smile. I smiled back, meekly. The jeepney I was in only needed three human beings to fill the gaps on its seats. I don’t know what word to use, luckily or unfortunately, but he never had the chance to let himself be one of that three people.
I kept looking somewhere else while the traffic light still beamed the color red. I didn’t want to set my eyes on him. I didn’t want to witness the way he looks at me. I’m afraid we might have an eye-to-eye contact and would have a conversation using our minds, admitting that we still want to be with each other. That we might beg for another chance.
But no. That will never happen.
He has totally moved on and is now in love with a person who has a tough personality, beautiful mind and brave soul.
I am.. well.. still doing fine with my life. Nothing is so special. Every day is a challenge but I still manage to survive. I’ve never been in love with anyone after we have decided to separate paths.
Before the jeepney left, we waved each other our goodbyes.
That scene was so sad. So tragic.
This world is too big and we have no idea when we will meet again.
And if never again, at least we have bade goodbyes..
Finally. With smiles on our lips. And acceptance in our hearts.
A real ‘cropped’ picture of us when we were still together.
Every day I am unhappy.
Everything becomes uneasy.
I thought they were true, my dearest companions,
But in everything that we do, they make it a competition.
What happened to you people?
You are all so unpredictable.
At one point you showed me all smiles and decency
But your insides are raging; full of plasticity.
I’ll always despise you for talking
and for being good to me when you need something.
You are all not worth of my time and attention.
I’ll separate. I’ll leave. I’ll have my own direction.
I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately.
I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.
To put to rout all that was not life;
And not when I came to die,
Discover that I had not lived.
This is one of my favorite quotations in the movie Dead Poets Society. This inspiring and somehow heartbreaking movie was showed in 1989, ten years before the year I was born. I’ve never known or ever heard about this movie until I made a Tumblr account and a blog that I am following let us guess what movie featured the lines..
“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. Medicine, Law, Business, Engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But Poetry, Beauty, Romance, Love, these are what we stay alive for.”
After I have read those, I was like..
What the eff is this movie?! I am in love with the words. It gave me the chills. I’ve never encountered such lines.
Midterm is just two days away. There are still projects to be passed; project that hasn’t yet finished.. project that hasn’t yet started. I also need to start studying though. But how can I study if I haven’t written any notes in my notebook? Urgh. I’m too tired and lazy these days. I mean, always. Procrastination every minute and in every corner of my life. I don’t know why am I like this. Things last year were too different. I too, was different. It’s strange how a lot of things could change within just a year.
Last year, before midterm, I cried. Not because I was afraid of exams but because I missed my friends. High school best friends. They are the only people that were making me smile despite the hardships that I am facing. Last year, I still haven’t known whom to trust with my college classmates. It had already been three months yet I was still adjusting. I always asked myself, “Am I really for this course? Do I really belong with this group? What if the answer for both of my questions was NO?” I cried. A lot. I still can remember.
I became studios. I turned my attention to studying rather than just cry because of sepanx and the feeling of not belonging. My high-school friends wouldn’t always be there for me. They have their own lives to live, and I guess in most moments, I wouldn’t be included in their priorities. And in my college classmates, I don’t need to be attached to them. If they like me, well thank you. If they don’t, who cares.
All I had was myself. I have needed to be brave.
Days, months, have passed. Midterm, Finals for my 1st year in college, were over. I knew in myself I did well. I have been one of the cream of the crops. I received a medal during Parangal and I’ve been a member of Studiositas.
Some were partying. While I was alone in my room, studying. They laughed at the jokes of their friends. I cried by myself while walking home alone. Last year, I have the most lonely days of my life. Yet I have gained a lot from those lonely moments. I became better in acads, I used to appreciate the magic of silence.
I am now a 2nd year college. I somehow opened up myself to those people whom I thought I shouldn’t trusted. I learned to laughed out loud, I learned to speak up, I learned to love the loud beats of music. I learned to make myself happy.. and to party, but I always disappoint myself for now having low scores in quizzes and exams. For sure, low grades after this midterm.
Also, in everything that I have learned in this 2nd phase, I have already forgotten the things that used to be my only comfort LAST YEAR.
Do grades really matter? Most people would ask.
I don’t know what to answer with that question.
All I know is that, grades have been good to me while I was lonely and struggling. Now that I’m happier and more lively, my grades are Going Down For Real 😂
I am afraid. Of the changes. Maybe I couldn’t make it this year to be an Academic Awardee. How about my mom? My friends? My family? They’re glad and mostly used, of seeing me receiving a medal and/or a certificate.
But how about me? Should I give up my current happiness? Should I bring back my old lonely self to be one of the top again?
Last year was different from this year.
My grades last year were better, but I was lonely, almost crying.
My grades are GDFR this year, but I am still smiling.
Which year is better?
Do grades really matter?
I still don’t know what to answer.
You became strange as time passed by.
Now our little talks, always end with a sigh,
Then total silence; ill at ease..
I finally said, “We used to be close friends, Miss”
Mirth of her laughter
Warmth of her embrace
Resplendent glow of her eyes
How I miss her so much!
I peek through the sunset
Recalling few years back
When she used to enchant me
With her humorous acts.
Everytime I reminisce those times
Bead of tears trickle down my cheeks
She became a part of me,
Yet now she’s so far to reach.
If only we could go back to each other
If only I could spend a lifetime with her.
But she chose to let go of our friendship
And said that nothing and no one lasts..
All we’ve been through
Will now be buried
In the past.
Image: (credits to Google)