Now, I’ve found another,

And no, he isn’t like you. Actually, he is very far from you. He likes coffee while you like milk. He enjoys the great outdoors while you enjoy staying in. You like summer but he prefers winter. I know that things like these are simple, but it just shows that even on simple things— he wasn’t you.

He bleached his hair blond and his jaws are chiseled, you have a pair of bright brown eyes and moulded collar bones— that’s how I physically know that he wasn’t you.

He genuinely loves me, while you… I think that only you can answer that question.

You two are very much at the opposite ends of the spectrum, but the thing is… I don’t get it.

I don’t get it how… when he holds my hand, it gives me flashbacks of us walking downtown in the middle of the night just to get ourselves fries and some liquor.

I don’t get how when he smiles at me— his damn smile, your face is the only face I could make out of.

I didn’t understand how everytime he kisses me, your lips are the only things I could taste.

I couldn’t cipher how everytime we touched, your hands, your voice, your movements, your everything are all I could think of.

You fucked me up so bad,
So bad that…
That it felt so good,
And I want to do it all again with you.

Even after you did me so dirty with just telling me that I was just “too much” and left me feeling like I was a liability.

Even after all the ways you’ve painted my skin shades of blue and purple.

Even after all the false hopes you’ve given me.

Even after the fallacy of your love.

Even after you chose her over me.

I still want— no, not want— need.
I still need you.

I need you to walk with me again in the middle of the night to get ourselves fries and share stories over bottles.

I need you to do that smile you always give me because it makes the butterflies in my stomach flutter.

I need you to kiss me again, because your tongue holds your lovely venom and I want you to intoxicate me again.

I need you to touch me again.

And I know that what I feel is wrong.

Because by now, I’ve found another,

And no, he isn’t like you—

But the letters written in every piece of my shattered heart spells a name— yours.


Written by: Mau Rem


Unsent Letters

Dear Stranger,

1. I’m going to tell you now I’m a bit harder to love than most. It’s because I grew up with ghosts at my home and fallen debris. I turned myself into an armor of steel so I would be protected from slashes and whips and people like you who might break me.

2. Sometimes I would need you to cut through my barriers and reach me. Sometimes I would need you to knock on my door when it’s closed. Sometimes I would need you to love me a little bit louder.

3. Dear Stranger, I’m going to tell you now that if you are here to stay, I would ask too much.

4. I have a mixed up relationship with my depression, dearest. It comes and it goes and sometimes it takes over and I can’t control it. I would need you to hold my hair and keep my head up when I vomit my life all over the sink.

5. I won’t ask you to tell me that things are going to be okay, because I have enough wisdom to know that they won’t always be. I won’t ask you to hold my hand and tell me to turn over to self love, because I don’t have any.

6. Self love is a blanket I cover myself in when I go to sleep at night, occasionally with punctured holes and flaws whenever my thoughts have taken over or when someone throws hurtful words at me. Self love is a luxury I couldn’t afford, not when I spent this long drowning in too much loathing.

7. Dear Stranger, I am not alright. I’ll be okay on some days and I would laugh at your jokes and hug you tight and kiss your lips. I’ll believe in a parallel world where my life isn’t taken over by a lonely sky. I’ll fumble my way through crossroads and horizons, just so I could meet you halfway. I won’t leave you alone and I’ll try harder to get to you, it’ll only take time for me to get there day by day. I would ask for you to be extra patient with me and careful, as I don’t know what I’m doing.

8. I kept all the butterflies in my stomach in a jar hidden somewhere in my closet. I would need them at nights when I’m tangled up in your sheets and need to feel something.

9. This would be a burden, but I ask you to keep me away from my family.

10. Dear Stranger, for all of this, I am sorry. I just need you to love me.


This was written by Cariza Opana. Her first blog was entitled Paper Antlers (which I have no idea how I got there.) I remembered I was 16 years old and finding a way to escape boredom, I forgot the other details, but all I know is that I was visiting Cara’s blog everyday hoping for updates and new articles to read. Her works inspired me to create a blog and continue my writing.

I was a campus journalist during high school. I’ve attended workshops, joined contests, received certificates and medals, and even won first place in Copyreading and Headline writing in Golden Pen Awards during my fourth year in high school. But now that I’m not in high school, I’ll be honest, I never was into journalistic writing. I liked it, but I never love it the way I do with creative writing.

After I passed the entrance exam of West Visayas State University, I listed my name on Bachelor of Arts in Journalism. It’s because I did not know what I want to be or I had no plans where I should be, I was just driven by the fact that I was a budding journalist in high school.

My friend Jeremiah listed his name in Bachelor of Science in Development Communication. I said, “What’s that? Are you sure you like that?” and he told me tales about this course and I was like, “Okay. It’s good, somehow.” Days before I could take the exam in Journalism, I transferred my name in DevCom. I was so sure that time, no backing up plans. I made up my mind, “I guess I don’t belong in Journalism. I guess my fate and my passion is really to go out and help people.”

I’m really fortunate to found Cara’s blog. It helped me ignite my love for words, those that are free and with no technical standards. She writes from her heart and you could feel her sincerity. Because of her creative ways in writing, I was motivated to follow what I really love, take risks and proved to me the line from the movie We Need To Talk About Kevin,

“Just because you’re used to it, doesn’t mean you like it.”

This 2017, Paper Antlers‘ domain name was changed to https://caraopana.com/.

Visit it. Devour the words to your soul 🙂

Looking Back at 32 Songs

To be frank, Electronic Dance Music or EDM seems to be dominating my music taste in the present. It is globally admired for it covers up your thoughts at the moment you hear it, as if it’s hypnotizing and stimulating. Some people, including me, who want to forget their problems for a while, listen to this kind of music. It is in demand in people’s night life and the people who make this kind of music continue to grow in numbers.

But I want to share these 32 songs that some, I used to love back when I wasn’t still a devotee (slave) of EDM. This is a diverse list for there are 32 different singer(s)/bands. I have a lot of favorites but I just picked what I want to include in the list. I chose 32 songs because the number 32 has a significant meaning in my life.


Check out this list. Maybe some songs are close to your heart! 🙂

  1. 1, 2, 3, 4 – Plain White T’s

  2. The Scientist – Coldplay

  3. Secrets – One Republic

  4. Your Guardian Angel – Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

  5. Chasing Cars – Snow Patrol

  6. Time for Miracles – Adam Lambert

  7. Be Your Everything – Boys Like Girls

  8. Love is Waiting – Brooke Fraser

  9. Live Like We’re Dying – Kris Allen

  10. Thinking of You – Katy Perry

  11. Perfect – Simple Plan

  12. Never Grow Up – Taylor Swift

  13. Collide – Howie Day

  14. Skinny Love – Birdy

  15. Oceans – Hillsong United

  16. Moment of Truth – FM Static

  17. High Hopes – Kodaline

  18. Wake Me Up When September Ends – Greenday

  19. Six Degrees of Separation – The Script

  20. Somebody Out There – A Rocket to the Moon

  21. Sad Song – We The Kings

  22. When I Look At You – Miley Cyrus

  23. Love Like Woe – The Ready Set

  24. Iris – The Goo Goo Dolls

  25. Love Bug – Jonas Brothers

  26. Oh Darling – Plug in Stereo ft. Cady Groves

  27. I Wouldn’t Mind – He is We

  28. If I Die Young – The Band Perry

  29. Unwell – Matchbox 20

  30. Your Call – Secondhand Serenade

  31. Never Alone – Lady Antebellum

  32. Brielle – Sky Sailing

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

– Pride and Prejudice


It’s a wonder I haven’t abandoned all my ideals, they seem so absurd and impractical. Yet I cling to them because I still believe, in spite of everything, that people are truly good at heart.

– Diary of Anne Frank


 It is so appropriate to color hope yellow, like the sun we seldom saw. And as I begin to copy from the old memorandum journals that I kept for so long, a title comes as if inspired. ‘Open the Window and Stand in the Sunshine.’ Yet, I hesitate to name our story that.

Flowers in the Attic


Maycomb was a tired old town, even in 1932 when I first knew it. Somehow, it was hotter then. Men’s stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon after their three o’clock naps. And by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frosting from sweating and sweet talcum. The day was twenty-four hours long, but it seemed longer. There’s no hurry, for there’s nowhere to go and nothing to buy…and no money to buy it with.

– To Kill a Mockingbird


And yet he had loved her. A Bookish girl heedless of her beauty, unconscious of her effect. She’d been prepared to live her life alone but from the moment he’d known her he’d needed her.

– The Lowland


Today I’m five. I was four last night going to sleep in Wardrobe, but when I wake up in Bed in the dark I’m changed to five, abracadabra.

– Room


Because wherever I sat—on the deck of a ship or at a street café in Paris or Bangkok—I would be sitting under the same glass bell jar, stewing in my own sour air.

– The Bell Jar


There are no monuments dedicated to me and my name will soon be forgotten, but I’ve loved another with all my heart and soul, and to me, this has always been enough.

– The Notebook


Better be happy old maids than unhappy wives or unmaidenly girls running about to find husbands.

– Little Women


She never looked nice. She looked like art, and art wasn’t supposed to look nice; it was supposed to make you feel something.

– Eleanor and Park


 There is so much Darcy wants to talk to her mother about: the war and what happened to the soldiers who were there; the feelings she is having for the new (and troubled) boy in school. But she can’t. So she finds solace in her mother’s garden.

– Garden of Angels


There are two types of women in the world, Beattie, those who do things and those who have things done to them.

– Wildflower Hill


If you stare at the center of the universe, there is coldness there. A blankness. Ultimately, the universe doesn’t care about us. Time doesn’t care about us. That’s why we have to care about each other. – Every Day


Watchtower of Turkey

This is one of the best masterpieces in the field of digital media.

I had goosebumps the first time I’ve ever watched this video. My film-enthusiast friend showed this to me and I was so moved; I nearly went teary-eyed. How I wish more people could appreciate and recognize videos like this.This is never easy. This is beyond normal. This is art.

How amazing that when a camera focuses on a thing, on someone, their not-so-special details would be given much emphasis. Anything and anyone can be part of something bigger, something artistic and something to be proud of the human race. Through videos like this, you could say nothing is really “just ordinary.”

Directed and edited by Leonardo Dalessandri

Music: “Experience” by Ludovico Einaudi

Voice of: Meryem Aboulouafa




Photos © Luca Luke Vecciarelli

Understand me. I’m not like an ordinary world. I have my madness, I live in another dimension and I do not have time for things that have no soul. – Charles Bukowski