Author: Vic

Elle Est Forte

Your younger self-who can be as balky and stubborn as the most cantankerous three-year-old-is not impressed by words. Like a native of Missouri, it wants to be shown. To arouse its interest, we must seduce it with pretty pictures and pleasurable sensations- take it out dining and dancing as it were. Only in this way can Deep Self be reached.

– STARHAWK, Theologian

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No matter what your age or your life path, whether making art is your career or your hobby or your dream, it is not too late or too egotistical or too selfish or too silly to work on your creativity. One fifty- year-old student who “always wanted to write” used these tools and emerged as a prize-winning playwright. A judge used these tools to fulfill his lifelong dreams of sculpting. Not all students become full-time artists as a result of the course. In fact, many full-time artists report that they have become more creatively rounded into full-time people.

– The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron

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A photo of me with sir Marrz Capanang during his exhibit in Gallery I at Iloilo City.

“It’s dusk, dearest. (In passing, isn’t dusk a lovely word? I like it better than twilight. It sounds so velvety and shadowy and . . . and . . . dusky.) In daylight I belong to the world . . . in the night to sleep and eternity. But in the dusk I’m free from both and belong only to myself . . . and you. So I’m going to keep this hour sacred to writing to you.”

– Anne of Windy Poplars, The Anne of Green Gables Novels #4 by L. M. Montgomery

There is too much I want to say to you; too much I would like you to know. You’re my most favored soul. You are too much, too special; I am the lesser kind. I used to hope to spend a day with you, it would not be enough, but.. even just a day. In that time, it would be a perfect timing.

I used to.

They say ‘time heals all wounds.’ I did let time slipped away. I stopped and ignored my hopes grasping to that theory that someday, everything will just fall perfectly into place.

But times have passed and my hope seems to fall out, seems to fade out. I think it’s the new normal. We should not follow the norms, other people’s theories, because I guess.. everything gets blurry when ignored for too long. People move the fuck on and leave the pieces behind. We don’t wait anymore. We don’t have to wait anymore.

There is no perfect timing.

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Bouquet of Photographs

I am a morning person. I always was and always will be. I wake up everyday even before the alarm clock of my sister rings. I checked on my Facebook and as I scrolled through my timeline, I came across Efjay Deleon’s photography page (visit http://www.efjaydeleon.com/, he has a great profile), I looked at the photos and wonder ‘will I ever be one of those brides in a puffy white dress, in full-covered make up and being photographed or will I be the one behind the camera?’

There is a lot that could happen to one person every single day. Amazing how each steps that we take could lead us to a bigger, unexpected, facet of life. Wedding; the most awaited and hoped by most people, I think especially women. As a born Christian, surrounded by traditional people, I could say that “for us”, marriage is the most intimate of human relationships because it is a gift from God.

I saw a thousand pictures of wonderful people, enjoying and living their union, a path of togetherness for life. Their faces lit with a sheer enchantment in a split second — the kind that happens once in a blue moon in every human’s life. I felt glad about it until my friends and I have seen an actual pre-wedding shoot. Coincidentally, we were just wandering here and there until we ended up in a bridge (taking photos and appreciating sunset) just near where I live.

The feeling is.. unexplainable. To be honest, I don’t really mind the subjects of the shoot. I didn’t care that the soon-to-be-bride has a long white gown that reaches the ground or that her soon-to-be-husband is handsome. What made me feel different than normal are the people who are behind the camera. The videographer, the director, the hair and make-up artists, even the ones who hold the lights and personal assistants.

A question came to me, “What are they feeling?” I want to be like them. I want to be with them. I want to have this kind of team.

An idea popped into my mind. As I recalled one of the many philosophical and spiritual lessons that Sir Arjun Marapon said to us, “Just believe that you will achieve your dreams and you’re already halfway there.”

As I said earlier, marriage is the most “intimate” of human relationships.  And by marriage, it meant being with the other person, maybe being with your soulmate. But as a wild nineteen-year old soul, I am too tied up in my own freedom, having in my vocabulary that it does not matter (idc) whether I get married someday or not, to have my own children or not. I am free in too many ways but my attachment to people are limited. I am too reserved for most to know my under-the-water-iceberg-thoughts.

When seeing posts of wedding photographs or videos, I reacted to it, even share it. I know some people might think, “this girl is too hopeful to have one someday.” Yes, I hope to have one someday; a wedding team.

When I think about wedding, I am not imagining me holding a bouquet of flowers.

When I think about wedding, I imagine myself holding a camera.