Midterm is just two days away. There are still projects to be passed; project that hasn’t yet finished.. project that hasn’t yet started. I also need to start studying though. But how can I study if I haven’t written any notes in my notebook? Urgh. I’m too tired and lazy these days. I mean, always. Procrastination every minute and in every corner of my life. I don’t know why am I like this. Things last year were too different. I too, was different. It’s strange how a lot of things could change within just a year.

Last year, before midterm, I cried. Not because I was afraid of exams but because I missed my friends. High school best friends. They are the only people that were making me smile despite the hardships that I am facing. Last year, I still haven’t known whom to trust with my college classmates. It had already been three months yet I was still adjusting. I always asked myself, “Am I really for this course? Do I really belong with this group? What if the answer for both of my questions was NO?” I cried. A lot. I still can remember.

I became studios. I turned my attention to studying rather than just cry because of sepanx and the feeling of not belonging. My high-school friends wouldn’t always be there for me. They have their own lives to live, and I guess in most moments, I wouldn’t be included in their priorities. And in my college classmates, I don’t need to be attached to them. If they like me, well thank you. If they don’t, who cares.

All I had was myself. I have needed to be brave.

Days, months, have passed. Midterm, Finals for my 1st year in college, were over. I knew in myself I did well. I have been one of the cream of the crops. I received a medal during Parangal and I’ve been a member of Studiositas.

Some were partying. While I was alone in my room, studying. They laughed at the jokes of their friends. I cried by myself while walking home alone. Last year, I have the most lonely days of my life. Yet I have gained a lot from those lonely moments. I became better in acads, I used to appreciate the magic of silence.

I am now a 2nd year college. I somehow opened up myself to those people whom I thought I shouldn’t trusted. I learned to laughed out loud, I learned to speak up, I learned to love the loud beats of music. I learned to make myself happy.. and to party, but I always disappoint myself for now having low scores in quizzes and exams. For sure, low grades after this midterm.

Also, in everything that I have learned in this 2nd phase, I have already forgotten the things that used to be my only comfort LAST YEAR.


Do grades really matter? Most people would ask.

I don’t know what to answer with that question.

All I know is that, grades have been good to me while I was lonely and struggling. Now that I’m happier and more lively, my grades are Going Down For Real 😂

I am afraid. Of the changes. Maybe I couldn’t make it this year to be an Academic Awardee. How about my mom? My friends? My family? They’re glad and mostly used, of seeing me receiving a medal and/or a certificate.

But how about me? Should I give up my current happiness? Should I bring back my old lonely self to be one of the top again?


Last year was different from this year.

My grades last year were better, but I was lonely, almost crying.

My grades are GDFR this year, but I am still smiling.

Which year is better?

Do grades really matter?

I still don’t know what to answer.



One comment

  1. Grades only really matter in school and really do not always signify learning or how much one has learned. In the real world, all employers want to know if you can do the job. It is what you know not what grade you got.

    Liked by 1 person

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